


a sweet nut meat meant for two..

by nanamis



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Almond - Freeform, F/M, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4983625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanamis/pseuds/nanamis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i often imagine mettaton with a 20oz bag of almonds and i have decided today to make my dreams come true</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

i offer mettaton an almond. "almond?" i say  
"no, thanks"  
i feel beaten and return home  
"damn.. why did this happen to me biggie? i thought you were watching over me?"  
"i am.......... always.." biggie smalls' voice faded away  
but he was there. mettaton. in my house.  
"ha ha. dont be silly! i simply have a tree nut allergy" mettaton reassured me  
i stroke his metallic box body "a tree nut allergy, huh? thats kind of hot"  
he shivers "i was born with it.."  
"you are a sexy calculator"  
"i know"

as you may have guessed, we had gotten very "hot and heavy" as they say. we made almond brownies with heavy whipping cream. we enjoyed them  
it was now very late and dark outside  
"hey, metta"  
"yes, my darling? my angelcakes? my snuffywuffykins? my sweetie pie? my scrumptious little peach pie with extra peaches and a floral crust design? yes?"  
"almond....?"  
he accepts the token of our love.. the almond

mettaton is dead he ate the entire damn almond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realize now, after posting, that almond brownies do in fact contain almonds. this is fine, seeing as mettaton enjoyed them and did not die after eating said brownies


	2. *thanks god, jesus, and biggie smalls*(

"whats wrong" a friend asks  
i roll down the car window and look out of it, in a daze  
a single tear rolls down my cheek "just... just thinking about mettaton.."  
i crunched an almond regretfully

in the heat of our almond eating passion, i never told my beloved metta about our shared love of ancient woodblock prints, and disco. i have never in my life seen someone so passionate about ancient woodblock prints, disco, and combinations of the two. it just slipped my mind. i still contemplate what we could have had. the three of us (me, him, and that old woodblock we found in his basement, covered in slime) could have seriously jammed to some Ggood old fashioned disco music  
sometimes i like to imagine him screaming at the top of his lungs , "drop the bass"  
sadly enough, the bassdrop will never come for you my love, (this is because he is dead. he is never coming back and thus cannot appreciate a classic disco bassdrop)

i feel like i also neglected to mention my intense love for mangoes. the fruit is delectable and not only fun to eat, but fun to cut. cutting an eating a mango is my favorite part of the ritual in which we try to find biggie smalls in the afterlife

speaking of which, its about that time!  
"biggie biggie biggie, cant you see...." i drone on  
and he appeared before me. the big man. mr smalls. 

"Whhatt iss itt you wiiishshhh, ,, young one"  
"Mettaton"  
"alright cool. wish granted"  
and there he was. mettaton. in my house.  
mettaton jumped up and gave me an armless hug  
"i heard you talking about woodblock prints, how about we have ourselves a good time tonight......"

 

"woo!! yeah! woooooooO!O!!o! i am really feeling the beat! and i am ready for this bassdrop!! here basedrop basedrop basedrop..!"  
he must be really into the music. he is even ignoring our ancient woodblock print son, Paul, who cries alone  
he continues to call out for the bassdrop as if it were a small animal

i brought out some perfectly cut mangoes and smeared them on his lithe texas instruments body. i sprinkled some almonds, and a few walnuts over his head for good measure  
"oh yeah" he said in his best kool aid man voice  
i agreed and set the mangoes aside. for later

paul sits in the corner, ignored


	3. the mnarriage chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not reading this once im done writing it also i havent slept in two days

mettaton got down on one knee, which was difficult considering the fact that he doesnt have knees in his current calculator form.  
basically he flopped face down on the ground attractively

"will you... ... marry me" he asked delicately, as if talking to a peach pie with a floral crust design  
"i do" i responded agresssively  
we both burst into tears and i swung him around in my arms. actually wait holy shit calculator mtt is a lot bigger than i remembered  
for the purposes of this fic hes around two inches tall  
i looked at the ring. it was gorgeous and had "almond love forever" engraved on the inside

i guess it was time for the planning. Before you have a wedding, you have to plan for it. It's not the kind of thing you can really do impromptu.  
mettaton is now resized to 6 feet  
"oh you simply must wear this outfit, metta. we can be matching" it was a dashing white bed sheet that suited him perfectly. i had one too  
we were going to have a ghost wedding, i decided. that way we can have ghost festivities, including ghost laser tag, ghost sandwich eating, and pretend youre a haunted milk jug. im good at that one

we only invited napstablook and undyne because theyre the only ones who can truly appreciate fine ghost sandwich dining, and laser tag

the wedding was to be held at the snail pen adn we really decked the place out, if i do say so myself. we added more snails. more snails. more snails. more snails. laser tag. laser snails coming at you from every angle. more snails

 

 

sstay tuned for the sexy part (tight fitting ghost sheet highlighting all his angles)

(our wedding cake https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/b0/7b/bc/b07bbcd07b61ae8ba815fbc27736c52b.jpg )


	4. the real marriage chapter (..?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here we go (oh boy)

we were married you dont need any details besides the fact that it was biggie smalls himself who wed us. cool  
thats the end of the marriage part  
anyways. moving on. honeymoon time

we spent our special week at a very special place!  
  
~~we went to the beach. we rented a beautiful seaside cottage with a floral crust design~~ nevermind actually i hate the beach we went to the mountains. we rented a beautiful cottage on the mountains peak. it had a floral crust design. we left paul (our ancient woodblock print son) at home with a babysitter. that little rascal  
  
whe n we got there i could tell mettaton was tired from all that driving. even though he cant drive because he doesnt have feet.  
  
but.... he held me close and whispered "why dont we find the bedroom..."  
were going to do it.. were going to do it oh boy.... were going to have a SEX (Super Extreme Xylophoneparty)  
  
LMAO! (Lovin Mettatons Ass Oh!) (wait he doesnt have an ass hes a goddamn tin can fuck ffcuk i lied i lied to you he doesnt have an ass im sorry)

we had ordered custom xylophones just for the occasion. his had a picture of a rectangle on it. it reminded me of him. "sexy" i thought to myself  
we spent all night snappin out some sweet tunes. he was a wonderful xylophone player. its just another of the reasons i fell for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there we went (oh boy)


End file.
